Abdicate? Mei?! Ki lo n’je bee? O gini?

Resign? What is that? A president! Of the Giant of Africa! This is insulting to the point of criminality. It seems this 21st century madness has got to stop and that immediately.

I have listened to a lot of drivel and puerile arguments on why the President of Nigeria, President Umar Musa Yar’Adua (UMYA) should resign and the more I listen to them the more riled I get. I am really upset, at the moment I am so apoplectic that I can not speak without tripping over my words. So my readers (if any) are saddled with this note.

Why has the evolution of democracy along Western lines left us bereft of common sense? We are Africans for crying out loud. If you wonder what that means, please read a history of African ethnic groups (political correctness prevents me from calling them “tribes”). In African culture, the king does not abdicate! Is that not obvious? Barring some cataclysmic shift in power, he stays on the throne (or the chair) till he dies. And lest I be accused of not being sufficiently African, in some cultures, the king does not die. So in Yoruba land for instance, he is said to have gone into the loft! Oba w’aja.

I can hear the modernists insisting that this is a democracy, not a monarchy. I would tell you, like the Nigerian policeman would say it, “shut up ya mouth!” Is it because you are living in the 21st century? Yes, your body and part of your brains are quite visibly in the 21st century, but the essence of your being – an African – is still resident in the 15th century. You doubt it? Well, keep fooling yourselves. Count the number of “democratically elected” officials across the continent who have held on to power until they “entered the loft”?

If you are still in doubt, let me provide further insights into our true nature – a 15th century African caught in a 21st century time warp. African kings never bothered with succession plans or successor? Mei? (What is that?) They helpless commons that are being ruled worry themselves about succession when the king has passed on. And in true African fashion, not everyone is involved in the king selection process (note – it is not an election). Ah, there is a committee of king-makers. My history of the Oyo Kingdom for instance tells me that there was the “Oyo Mesi”, responsible for this process. So do you blame the PDP for having local godfathers, offshore godfathers and surrogate godfathers? (If you ask me nicely, I would tell you what surrogate godfathers are).

Still denying that we are Neanderthals in suits? Maybe this would convince you. In ancient times, the king owned everything and his subjects were merely fiefs who held him as their overlord. So, there was very little distinction between the communal resources and what the king could regard as his personal possession. Any objection to the king appropriating your land, for instance, could result in being made a slave, or killed or imprisoned – all at the king’s caprice. So do you blame J.O Ibori for treating Delta state as his personal property? Or did you think it was out of place for Mobutu Sese-Seko to be richer than his country? Please do not accuse our president or his aides of looting the country’s treasury. After all someone once remarked “government money in government house, what is the problem with that?”

Finally, please be reminded that, in centuries past (where we sadly still reside), it was treason to speak ill of the king. Should anyone tell the king to abdicate and it was “off with his head”. So, you would recognise that Dr. G. Jonathan is a very wise African, who has avoided speaking any ill of his boss, bearing in mind that in true African culture, there is no post for a deputy-king. For the nay-sayers, the Otun (1st prime minister), Osi (2nd prime minister) and Balogun (chief of defence staff) were continually vying for supremacy, whilst the king watched in amusement.

So please, kindly desist from asking UMYA to resign. Instead, bring out your rosaries – including your “tesbiyus” for my Muslim brothers and sisters –, amulets and divination boards and start praying earnestly for the well-being of our President who is currently on an extended state visit to Saudi Arabia to inspect their state-of-the-art medical facilities. Did you say he is sick! Heaven forbid!

GOD SAVE THE KING (Naija version – to be sung to the tune of the British anthem)

God save our gracious King,
Long live our noble King,
God save the King!
Send him victorious,
Happy and Glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the King!

O Lord our God arise,
Scatter him enemies
And make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
Oh, save us all!

Thy choicest gifts in store
On him be pleased to pour;
Long may he reign;
May he defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice,
God save the King!

Not in this land alone,
But be God’s mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world over

From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the King!
O’er him thine arm extend,
For Naija’s sake defend,
Our father, prince, and friend,
God save the King!



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